Post Adoption Home Study

We need to check in with our agency and have reports done before 3 months, 6 months, and a year from coming home. We had our first of those visits tonight.

What I realized tonight is how far we've come. We don't see Allison's transitions and adjusting when we are in the middle of it. Day by day. 24/7 But in talking with our social worker, it seems like we have overcome all of the obstacles that we had during those first days and weeks. It doesn't mean that everything will be perfect from here on out (with kids, you never get that guarantee) but we are feeling more like a fully functioning family. And it feels good.

One month

I haven't blogged here in over a week! That means that things are going well in the Weber home (since I often use my blog to sort through my thoughts when times are tougher).

Today marks one month since we arrived home with Allison. She has adjusted well to our family and one month seems like a huge milestone for us! These pictures are new ones that I haven't shared from our trip home. Alli slept in a bassinet on one of the flights for a bit. Because she can sit up, we weren't able to sleep while she was in there, but it gave our arms a break. Her first meal in the US was at Chili's at Detroit Metro (though she had baby food). And then we have our ride home, and our first moments at home as a five family!

Orphan Sunday: Part 2

Not everyone is called to adopt. But all of us are called to "look after orphans" (James 1:27).  So on this Orphan Sunday 2010, I want to ask something of you. Can you help one orphan get home to her family?

We have sweet friends who we have met through the adoption process. I remember when she called me on the phone at the very beginning of her journey and was very open and honest with her fears, reservations, and excitement, I was open about our story and where we had been and where we were going. Well this family has just sent off their dossier to Ethiopia. That big packet that hold everything with your side of the adoption paperwork. A culmination of weeks and months of work, form filling, and paper chasing. And with submission also comes one of the large payments to pay the lawyers and governments to process all that paperwork. Paperwork that will (hopefully) soon bring them their match (referral) to their daughter.

They stepped out in faith at the start of their journey, and with this most recent payment, they are struggling.

So, on Orphan Sunday 2010, can you skip your Starbucks? Can you order water at lunch? Can you eat at home today? Then, can you donate that $5-$10 to their adoption fund?  Or might you have it in you to do more?

You can read the story of the Arvayo Family here. And they have a secure PayPal link right on their site that will go directly to their adoption expenses.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. -James 1:27

Orphan Sunday

Tomorrow is Orphan Sunday. It's a day that holds a lot more meaning to me in the past two years than it did before.

Now, it's a fine line I walk between being an advocate for orphans, and being an adoptive mom. My daughter is not the "poster child" for adoption. Neither is she my "gold star" for "saving" her. One of the most awkward comments I receive now that Allison is home, and when we are out (especially as a five family and it is obvious that she is not biological) is "How wonderful of you." No one told us that when we got pregnant. Adoption was just a different way to grow our family. She forever is just another daughter in our family, though she came to us a different way.

But at the same time, I need to advocate for the children who are still without families. I know that many readers of my blog are adoptive parents themselves. But I also wonder if someone reading is like I was 2 or 5 or 20 years ago, when "Maybe I'll adopt someday" was just a small thought in the back of my mind. Adoption isn't for everyone (just like parenting isn't for everyone), but if you think that God might be leading your family down this road, may I ask, "What's stopping you?"

And whether you are reading this today, or whether you stumble upon this post years from now, my life and story are an open book. And my passion is for children to be raised in loving homes. And I will always openly and honestly answer any questions you have and talk to you about adoption to help you decide if adoption is right for your family.


Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

PS-To read more about the dance between orphan advocate and parent of an adopted child, you can read the blogs of The Road Less Traveled and Rage Against the Minivan. Both are moms with a passion for adoption and for their children and recently wrote about this subject over a series of posts, but you can start here (if you have a few minutes or a few days to get lost reading what they write). :)

Progress

It's still a little early in the day, so I hesitate to post this, but I laid Allison down for a morning nap this morning, and although she cried in her crib for about 5 minutes, she then napped for two hours! And ever since then she has been just charming and is even sitting calmly in her high chair right next to me right now eating her lunch. (I think she is half Italian with how much she loves pasta!)

We'll play in a bit, then we'll try an afternoon nap until it is time to leave to pick the big girls up from school. Then it's Friday Happy Hour at Sonic (we go every Friday after school)!

Scheduling

If the adoption process taught me patience, adoption parenting is teaching me flexibility.

I like schedules, planning, and routine. Allison does not. I am letting her lead and hoping that she will fall into her natural schedule, and that isn't working. At all. One day she'll take one nap, the next day it's two. Today she woke up at 6:00am, had a morning bottle with Tony, and started crying at 6:30 and didn't end until I laid her back down at 7:30. And now she's out.

Thankfully I was able to run across the street to my sweet neighbor who drove the big girls to school this morning. Though I'm not a fan of Hilary, I do agree that "it takes a village" and am thankful for all the help that has been given to us.

The Bottle

This is a continuation of my thoughts from yesterday's post, here.

I thought I knew about being a mom. I have two older girls who are turning out quite well, if you ask my opinion. I spent years on the leadership of MOPS, and people have even come to me for advice on parenting once in a while.

So why do I feel like I don't know anything anymore?

Though bio parenting and adoptive parenting may look similar on the outside, now that I'm here I'm finding that there are very important, though subtle from the outside, differences.

For example, this morning Allison was having a "freak out" session. I tried playing with her, I tried holding her, I tried walking with her, I tried feeding her, and nothing worked. So I pulled out the secret weapon -- the bottle. I am trying to be consistent, and trying to get her on a schedule, and trying to build some routine, but a bottle is just what she needed/wanted and she calmed down in my arms immediately. Then we played, then she went down for a nap a few minutes ago (canceling my lunch date with my love, but I'm sure he'll give me a rain check for another day).

Even though I processed through my thoughts yesterday about 14 months vs. 3 weeks, I still had the "old" me fighting to stay strong and not give in to her fit. That she is over a year old and shouldn't be getting mid-day, just for the heck of it bottles. Goodness knows that M & E wouldn't have gotten a bottle if they acted like that at 14 months.

But the rules are different, and I have to change everything I know.

14 months or 3 weeks

One of the strangest things about adoption is trying to figure out how to relate to your new child. Biologically she is 14 1/2 months old. She crawls, she babbles, she plays with her toys, she has opinions about what she likes and wants (and doesn't like and want). But at the same time she is only a three week old. She has only been a part of our family for three weeks. She has only been in our home for three weeks. She has only been in this country for three weeks.

I have two older bio kids that I had from birth, but how I related to them at 14 months doesn't necessarily apply with Allison. By 14 months I would tell them no, and if they had a fit I would let them cry it out. But with Allison, many of the rules are different. I don't know if, when, and how to discipline. I want her to love us, trust us, and bond with us, but we also have rules and expectations in our family. So right now it is a minute by minute dance to meet her needs, remembering that in many ways, she is really a 3 week old.

I also miss some of the grace and mercy that is given to moms of newborns. She sleeps through the night, yet I am still exhausted. We have been blessed to have meals brought to us by family and friends, but sometimes it feels strange to receive a meal from a friend who has a child younger than Allison. She has it all together, and I am still feeling like the mom of a 3 week old and can't get dinner on the table for my family, but I don't have a newborn, I have a toddler. I haven't gotten a shower every day this week. It is a big accomplishment that I folded a few loads of laundry today. I was late picking the big girls up this afternoon, and if I had a 3 week old I would get the "new mom" sympathy, but instead I am just a dirty mom, a lazy mom, and just a late mom (and I'm never late at school pick up). I had to wake Allison up to pick the big girls up, and then there was her diaper change, and clothes change, and I just felt like a new mom.

Allison's Welcome Home Celebration

Arriving in Phoenix was a surreal experience as our family and friends met us at the airport to welcome Allison home.

Thank you to everyone to celebrated with us, and thank you to Korri Ray for taking these priceless photos.