14 months or 3 weeks

One of the strangest things about adoption is trying to figure out how to relate to your new child. Biologically she is 14 1/2 months old. She crawls, she babbles, she plays with her toys, she has opinions about what she likes and wants (and doesn't like and want). But at the same time she is only a three week old. She has only been a part of our family for three weeks. She has only been in our home for three weeks. She has only been in this country for three weeks.

I have two older bio kids that I had from birth, but how I related to them at 14 months doesn't necessarily apply with Allison. By 14 months I would tell them no, and if they had a fit I would let them cry it out. But with Allison, many of the rules are different. I don't know if, when, and how to discipline. I want her to love us, trust us, and bond with us, but we also have rules and expectations in our family. So right now it is a minute by minute dance to meet her needs, remembering that in many ways, she is really a 3 week old.

I also miss some of the grace and mercy that is given to moms of newborns. She sleeps through the night, yet I am still exhausted. We have been blessed to have meals brought to us by family and friends, but sometimes it feels strange to receive a meal from a friend who has a child younger than Allison. She has it all together, and I am still feeling like the mom of a 3 week old and can't get dinner on the table for my family, but I don't have a newborn, I have a toddler. I haven't gotten a shower every day this week. It is a big accomplishment that I folded a few loads of laundry today. I was late picking the big girls up this afternoon, and if I had a 3 week old I would get the "new mom" sympathy, but instead I am just a dirty mom, a lazy mom, and just a late mom (and I'm never late at school pick up). I had to wake Allison up to pick the big girls up, and then there was her diaper change, and clothes change, and I just felt like a new mom.