What It's LIke

Last night I put these jammies on Allison that we were given from another ET adoptive family. Already, most days the miracle of her adoption gets lost and forgotten about. We are a busy family of five, and already we are finding our new grove with three kids, regardless of how they came into our family. But last night as I was putting these pjs on her (probably for the last time because she's growing so fast) I looked at the map of Africa and it hit me about all that we went through and did to bring Alli into our family. We went to Ethiopia, twice. She was born on the other side of the world under circumstances that we may never know. We talked about ET and I let her play with the flag. We want her to always love Ethiopia because it will always be a part of who she is.

6 Months

Today marks 6 months since we came home with our sweet Allison. It's worth mentioning and celebrating here on our adoption blog, but I'll send you here for the update.

Thanks for following us.

Will You Pray?

I've come to the blog many times in the past to ask for you to pray, but most times it was for our own adoption and our own sweet Allison. The roller coaster of adoption threw us for many loops on our journey. But this is not about us.

There has been news flying in the adoption world that Ethiopia is going to cut their adoption program by 90% (you can read the article here). That's a huge number. Rather than processing 50 children each day, they are going to process 5. This decision is not haphazard. There are allegations of some agencies doing things unethically, and the extra time will be to make sure that all the "i"s are dotted and the "t"s are crossed, and that Ethiopia is not just in the baby business, but that each child is truly an orphan needing a family (the implications alone break my heart).

But my heart is also breaking for the many families, including many of my friends, who are waiting, and may now be waiting a lot longer.

So please pray that this mess gets cleaned up, and that every child is protected in their journey to a new home. And please pray for the waiting families as they wait.

adoption and HIV

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I used to watch the Today show daily, but I have now traded being informed about our world for the much gentler world of Mickey and his clubhouse. But today I just happened to turn on the news so that I try not to be completely naive about the goings on outside of our home.

This story made me stop mid-banana slicing (much to Allison's dismay) and brought tears to my eyes (after just doing my make-up), but I love that love and stories from Ethiopian families are coming into the mainstream. I am thankful for families like the Twietmeyers and for Jenna Bush and the Today Show for sharing their story.

You can find out more at http://www.projecthopeful.org/

Thank You Dr. King

Last year I posted that I had never thought much about World AIDS Day until we started the process that would bring our daughter to us from a country and continent torn at the seams by AIDS.

I also have to admit that until this year, MLK day was just another day off of school. Yes, I knew that he was a great man who did great things, but this year I can't help but think how he changed my life. If it hadn't been for him, there is no way that we would now have a society where color doesn't matter and that this white family has a black daughter, and my biggest concern is how to care for her hair. (And yes, I know that we may face other issues and a multi-racial family in the future, but for today it's about where are are now. The other details are for another post for another day.)

Megan and Emily learned about Dr. King in school last week, and it raised interesting discussions and disbelief that people had different (and not equal) privileges just because of their skin color. I am thankful for how far we have come as a nation.

Dr. King, I hope that God gives you a window from heaven to see that your dream is becoming reality.

I have a dream that... little black boys and black girls will join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.


I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.


Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sharing What We've Been Given

Our journey to bring Allison home, though in reality was only just over a year, was a very long year where we learned to trust that God would supply for all our needs, including when our financial needs seemed insurmountable.  But He did. Through a combination of family sacrifice, fundraising, and donations we were able to cover all of our expenses without taking out a loan (which was our backup plan).  Sometimes the money we needed came in large chunks, and sometimes it came dollar by dollar.

Many of those dollars came from selling handmade jewelry on my Etsy store. But now that our fundraising is done, I want to share with others who are still on their journey to their child(ren).

If you are currently adopting, I would love to help you raise the money that you need to bring your child(ren) home.

Here's what you do:

• Become a follower of "Our Journey of Love".
• Write a blogpost about partnering with Simple Smiles and More on your family/adoption blog.
• Include a link on that post to http://www.weberadoptionstory.blogspot.com/ and http://www.simplesmilesandmore.etsy.com/
• Comment on this post to let me know that you are participating.
• You can also become a fan (and invite your friends to become fans) of Simple Smiles on Facebook so you will be notified of promotions and sales that I occasionally run for my Etsy store.

Then, when you refer someone to order, make sure they include your name and blog in the "message to seller", and I will pass on 25% of that sale back to you for your adoption expenses. Even if you purchase for yourself or gifts, I'll send 25% back to you through PayPal.

Post Adoption Home Study

We need to check in with our agency and have reports done before 3 months, 6 months, and a year from coming home. We had our first of those visits tonight.

What I realized tonight is how far we've come. We don't see Allison's transitions and adjusting when we are in the middle of it. Day by day. 24/7 But in talking with our social worker, it seems like we have overcome all of the obstacles that we had during those first days and weeks. It doesn't mean that everything will be perfect from here on out (with kids, you never get that guarantee) but we are feeling more like a fully functioning family. And it feels good.

One month

I haven't blogged here in over a week! That means that things are going well in the Weber home (since I often use my blog to sort through my thoughts when times are tougher).

Today marks one month since we arrived home with Allison. She has adjusted well to our family and one month seems like a huge milestone for us! These pictures are new ones that I haven't shared from our trip home. Alli slept in a bassinet on one of the flights for a bit. Because she can sit up, we weren't able to sleep while she was in there, but it gave our arms a break. Her first meal in the US was at Chili's at Detroit Metro (though she had baby food). And then we have our ride home, and our first moments at home as a five family!

Orphan Sunday: Part 2

Not everyone is called to adopt. But all of us are called to "look after orphans" (James 1:27).  So on this Orphan Sunday 2010, I want to ask something of you. Can you help one orphan get home to her family?

We have sweet friends who we have met through the adoption process. I remember when she called me on the phone at the very beginning of her journey and was very open and honest with her fears, reservations, and excitement, I was open about our story and where we had been and where we were going. Well this family has just sent off their dossier to Ethiopia. That big packet that hold everything with your side of the adoption paperwork. A culmination of weeks and months of work, form filling, and paper chasing. And with submission also comes one of the large payments to pay the lawyers and governments to process all that paperwork. Paperwork that will (hopefully) soon bring them their match (referral) to their daughter.

They stepped out in faith at the start of their journey, and with this most recent payment, they are struggling.

So, on Orphan Sunday 2010, can you skip your Starbucks? Can you order water at lunch? Can you eat at home today? Then, can you donate that $5-$10 to their adoption fund?  Or might you have it in you to do more?

You can read the story of the Arvayo Family here. And they have a secure PayPal link right on their site that will go directly to their adoption expenses.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. -James 1:27

Orphan Sunday

Tomorrow is Orphan Sunday. It's a day that holds a lot more meaning to me in the past two years than it did before.

Now, it's a fine line I walk between being an advocate for orphans, and being an adoptive mom. My daughter is not the "poster child" for adoption. Neither is she my "gold star" for "saving" her. One of the most awkward comments I receive now that Allison is home, and when we are out (especially as a five family and it is obvious that she is not biological) is "How wonderful of you." No one told us that when we got pregnant. Adoption was just a different way to grow our family. She forever is just another daughter in our family, though she came to us a different way.

But at the same time, I need to advocate for the children who are still without families. I know that many readers of my blog are adoptive parents themselves. But I also wonder if someone reading is like I was 2 or 5 or 20 years ago, when "Maybe I'll adopt someday" was just a small thought in the back of my mind. Adoption isn't for everyone (just like parenting isn't for everyone), but if you think that God might be leading your family down this road, may I ask, "What's stopping you?"

And whether you are reading this today, or whether you stumble upon this post years from now, my life and story are an open book. And my passion is for children to be raised in loving homes. And I will always openly and honestly answer any questions you have and talk to you about adoption to help you decide if adoption is right for your family.


Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

PS-To read more about the dance between orphan advocate and parent of an adopted child, you can read the blogs of The Road Less Traveled and Rage Against the Minivan. Both are moms with a passion for adoption and for their children and recently wrote about this subject over a series of posts, but you can start here (if you have a few minutes or a few days to get lost reading what they write). :)

Progress

It's still a little early in the day, so I hesitate to post this, but I laid Allison down for a morning nap this morning, and although she cried in her crib for about 5 minutes, she then napped for two hours! And ever since then she has been just charming and is even sitting calmly in her high chair right next to me right now eating her lunch. (I think she is half Italian with how much she loves pasta!)

We'll play in a bit, then we'll try an afternoon nap until it is time to leave to pick the big girls up from school. Then it's Friday Happy Hour at Sonic (we go every Friday after school)!

Scheduling

If the adoption process taught me patience, adoption parenting is teaching me flexibility.

I like schedules, planning, and routine. Allison does not. I am letting her lead and hoping that she will fall into her natural schedule, and that isn't working. At all. One day she'll take one nap, the next day it's two. Today she woke up at 6:00am, had a morning bottle with Tony, and started crying at 6:30 and didn't end until I laid her back down at 7:30. And now she's out.

Thankfully I was able to run across the street to my sweet neighbor who drove the big girls to school this morning. Though I'm not a fan of Hilary, I do agree that "it takes a village" and am thankful for all the help that has been given to us.

The Bottle

This is a continuation of my thoughts from yesterday's post, here.

I thought I knew about being a mom. I have two older girls who are turning out quite well, if you ask my opinion. I spent years on the leadership of MOPS, and people have even come to me for advice on parenting once in a while.

So why do I feel like I don't know anything anymore?

Though bio parenting and adoptive parenting may look similar on the outside, now that I'm here I'm finding that there are very important, though subtle from the outside, differences.

For example, this morning Allison was having a "freak out" session. I tried playing with her, I tried holding her, I tried walking with her, I tried feeding her, and nothing worked. So I pulled out the secret weapon -- the bottle. I am trying to be consistent, and trying to get her on a schedule, and trying to build some routine, but a bottle is just what she needed/wanted and she calmed down in my arms immediately. Then we played, then she went down for a nap a few minutes ago (canceling my lunch date with my love, but I'm sure he'll give me a rain check for another day).

Even though I processed through my thoughts yesterday about 14 months vs. 3 weeks, I still had the "old" me fighting to stay strong and not give in to her fit. That she is over a year old and shouldn't be getting mid-day, just for the heck of it bottles. Goodness knows that M & E wouldn't have gotten a bottle if they acted like that at 14 months.

But the rules are different, and I have to change everything I know.

14 months or 3 weeks

One of the strangest things about adoption is trying to figure out how to relate to your new child. Biologically she is 14 1/2 months old. She crawls, she babbles, she plays with her toys, she has opinions about what she likes and wants (and doesn't like and want). But at the same time she is only a three week old. She has only been a part of our family for three weeks. She has only been in our home for three weeks. She has only been in this country for three weeks.

I have two older bio kids that I had from birth, but how I related to them at 14 months doesn't necessarily apply with Allison. By 14 months I would tell them no, and if they had a fit I would let them cry it out. But with Allison, many of the rules are different. I don't know if, when, and how to discipline. I want her to love us, trust us, and bond with us, but we also have rules and expectations in our family. So right now it is a minute by minute dance to meet her needs, remembering that in many ways, she is really a 3 week old.

I also miss some of the grace and mercy that is given to moms of newborns. She sleeps through the night, yet I am still exhausted. We have been blessed to have meals brought to us by family and friends, but sometimes it feels strange to receive a meal from a friend who has a child younger than Allison. She has it all together, and I am still feeling like the mom of a 3 week old and can't get dinner on the table for my family, but I don't have a newborn, I have a toddler. I haven't gotten a shower every day this week. It is a big accomplishment that I folded a few loads of laundry today. I was late picking the big girls up this afternoon, and if I had a 3 week old I would get the "new mom" sympathy, but instead I am just a dirty mom, a lazy mom, and just a late mom (and I'm never late at school pick up). I had to wake Allison up to pick the big girls up, and then there was her diaper change, and clothes change, and I just felt like a new mom.

Allison's Welcome Home Celebration

Arriving in Phoenix was a surreal experience as our family and friends met us at the airport to welcome Allison home.

Thank you to everyone to celebrated with us, and thank you to Korri Ray for taking these priceless photos.