Right now I am so envious of my husband. Everything for him is factual, and he doesn't get worked up over emotions. Which is good, because I often have enough emotions for the both of us. Like this week.
A week ago I was talking with a friend which led me to allow myself a little leeway in starting to prepare to bring our baby home. We made our first trips to BabiesRUs and buybuyBaby, we got a crib, I've started looking at crib bedding, I allowed my heart to connect with her deeper than before and dream of her over in Ethiopia as we prepare for her here. I was looking forward to today's phone call and expected to hear just what I wanted to hear--that we were getting close, really close. But, what I heard was we are still months away, and it could be many months. When I was pregnant, I got to figure out my due date within hours of knowing that my child was growing inside of me. I held on to that date like a precious jewel. And even through the waiting, I knew just where my baby was at every moment--right with me.
Adoption is full of so many unknowns, and unfortunately, this one has brought me into a funk. I know it will be short term. I know that it is all in God's hands. I know that He knows our daughter and is watching out for her. I also know that we are not financially ready for our next payment and then travel costs.
So these are the verses that I'm holding onto tonight. Thank you Lord. Sometimes I feel like I am barely strong enough to do this with You, I can't imagine doing this without You.
Psalm 5:3
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."
Matthew 6:34
Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Hang in there Sara! And remember that you have a small army of believers praying for you as well. :)
ReplyDeleteIt certainly is a roller coaster. But you can rest in the fact that God's timing is perfect and when your baby that God has planned to be a part of your family is ready, you will be matched. May you hold on to those verses and remember all the emotions you are feeling are totally normal.
ReplyDeleteYou hit it right on...Adoption is full of unknowns. I know when we were going through the adoption process, I was in a "funk" so many times. My relief: TRUSTING IN the LORD. You are doing that! Everything will work out...
ReplyDeleteUnknowns for sure!!! You keep getting ready and connecting with that sweet baby girl. It will happen and she will be home with you!! She is going to need somewhere to sleep-HA! Sara- you are connected more deeply to her than you think. Every time you walk by "her room", talk with the girls about "their sister", and probably not a minute goes by when you aren't thinking of her. Just because she hasn't taken the form of a picture yet doesn't mean she isn't truly real. God know the number of hairs on her head and is caring for her even now. Keep up the "good wait" (that's what we called it hen we tried not to be anxious and committ our babies to the Lord- wherever they were and whoever they were). Hang in there!!!
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