I've just been excited to bring you home ever since we left you, but today my heart is heavy with some new thoughts I've been dealing with. We've been calling this our "Journey of Love", and it is. We've loved you before we met you, and I miss you even more since I held you in my arms, but the joy and love and excitement of bringing you home has been with mixed feelings for me for the past few days. Adoption is also about loss and sadness and I've been reminded if that in various ways this week. I tend to forget that in order for you to join our family, you first had to lose your birth family. We don't know anything about them, but it doesn't make them any less real. And when you grow up, you will have questions about them that I won't have answers to. And I'm so sorry about that.
And I sit in your room and I can't wait for you to enjoy all the preparations we have made in love for you. But you won't understand that. You will miss your room and crib in Ethiopia. You will miss your nannys. And I will love you with everything in me, but I might not be enough to help your little heart understand what is going on.
But I want you to know that I will do my best as your mom. We will learn and find the right balance for you. There will be hurdles about how you become an American and a Weber, but we also know that you will also be Ethiopian and we don't want to ignore that. We want you to know that we love Ethiopia and her people, because that is a part of who you are.
I love you,
Mommy
Sara,
ReplyDeleteGod will surely lead you as you and your family love her into wholeness. Start choosing Scripture verses that you can declare as you pray over her as she rests in your arms.
Your precious girl is going to grieve, but it is all a part of this miracle. God's grace, healing and comfort will amaze you. I promise.
And you know what? The things that I feared the most (like Kourtny asking about parents that we know nothing about and the did I come out of your belly? And so on...) have all happened. And God showed up so beautifully.
Trust Him, Sara, and He will leave you in awe.
Love, Coleen